Perfect.....Lifes too short to play silly games.

December.

Yes, it's true. It's December....already. Wow, how did that happen? A whole year has passed and this is only my 5th blog. So much for getting on here every month to record my thoughts and events throughout the year!

But hey, as an eternal optimist, my cup is half full. So I say, "well fuck me, I managed to do five blogs for Seeds this year - that's five more than last year - YAY ME!"

Perfect.

What is perfection? 

Is any situation really ever "perfect"?

If your perfection was realised, would you be bored?

Why can't we just be happy with what we have?

So many questions. No straightforward answer. 

Perfection is the ultimate affinity.

Us humans are complex creatures. Always striving for perfection, but always finding it just out of reach. And it got me thinking. It's not perfection we are chasing. It's the thrill of change, of achieving, of challenges, of being alive.

If everything was perfect, what would we have to strive for? What would keep us motivated and challenged to get out of bed every day?

I'm embarking on a new journey. It's definitely NOT perfect. It's a challenge, it's scary, it's tough. I am dragging several people along with me. Some of them kicking and screaming. But in the end, they will thank me. In the end we will all be stronger, happier and better people.

I decided this year, that my journey for perfection had veered off track. I and only I had the power to do something about it. I didn't want to wake up in 10 years as a frumpy nearly 50 year old and think "shit, I've wasted so many years following the wrong path, now it's too late!"

I don't want to be the person who is full of regret and what ifs in life. So I resolved to make changes, tough as they are, so that I can take control of my life and steer my own ship.

Okay, yeah, so I'll never achieve perfection, but I'll have a hell of an interesting and fabulous lifetime of trying!

Merry Christmas to one and all.

May all your dreams come true....just don't expect them to be perfect!

x

Turn It Upside Down

Don't you just adore those snow globe ornaments that you turn upside down and either shake the shit out of, or gently swirl depending on your mood?

You can either have a raging lunatic storm or a gentle peaceful flutter of flakes.....

That's a bit like life.

Life can be what you make of it. Some choose to move through their life course without creating a ripple and just let the calm surf take them on their journey. Others ebb and flow like the crashing waves created by a hurricane, twisting and turning and never knowing what will appear below the surface. Enjoying the apparent adrenaline of the unknown.

Can we have both? Is it possible to make like a snow globe, sitting there perfect and calm most of the time, only to have our world turned upside down and shaken up till its ready to explode, like a bottle of bubbly in the hands of a podium winner, then set it back down on the shelf and watch the chaos turn back to calm?

I think it is, and I think it might be essential to creating a balance in life. We need the chaos to balance out the calm. We all need a bit of yin and yang in our lives.

No one can ride the lows without the highs. Traveling life's journey without the occasional shake up would be downright boring - that shit'll kill ya! Being at full throttle constantly would be exhausting - that shit'll kill ya too!

So from now on, I'm not gonna wince at a little snow storm. I'm gonna grab that snow globe with both hands every so often and just shake it up a little.

Live like its the last day of your life.....sometimes.

Cheers

Mrs Big Fella

Puff The Magic Dragon....

So it's May already...(whoops I was actually going to write April, then realised OMG it's actually May!). Where does the time go?

I have strong memories from my youth, of wondering why time passed by so slowly and thinking how a year was an enormous length of time. Days spent wishing the hours, weeks, months, years would pass by faster.....How I wish I could have that time again. Armed with the knowledge and wisdom I now possess, heaven knows what I could have achieved?

Life is like that. Why is it that by the time you gain all this wisdom, that you just don't have the bloody time to use it?

I watched my 3 and 1/2 year old dance and sing along to one of my, and now her, favorite songs this morning - "Puff the Magic Dragon"

She particularly loves this song as she's made a connection between "Puff" and the "real life" dragons that are readily seen in and around our "Dragon City" Bendigo (especially at Easter).

For me, it's special because it takes me back to a time, when there was no deadlines and pressures of daily life...."dragons live for ever, but not so little boys"

It makes me treasure the memories of my past and also makes me take the time to stop and take in the memories that are being created in the present by my very own "Little Jackie Paper's". Because, little boys and girls are not forever, and time passes in the blink of an eye, I now realise.

Put down the camera and video recorder and be part of the memory too. We miss so much of ours and our kids lives by incessantly trying to make a copy of everything.

Make a copy in your memory instead, sometimes...

Cheers
Mrs Big Fella

Life......wasn't meant to be easy.

So, it's been a while since I blogged. Time flies when your having fun....or not.
I'm tired and emotional atm. Had a bloody virus nasty sore throat thing since Saturday last week (today is Thursday) - it's very tiring and frustrating, not having much of a voice.

The kids seem to want to ask more questions than ever and they are not ones that require yes or no answers. No one can understand me, so repeating myself is the norm and also not very helpful when you are trying to rest your voice.

I have decided I don't have time to be sick these days. So am taking myself off the "pick up bugs" list as of today. It's magnified by the fact that I don't get paid if I don't and god knows we can't afford to miss out on my wage. So I forged ahead this week - but to the detriment of my health and haven't had time and/or haven't been able to get into the doc's until tomorrow. I still missed out on about 10 hours of work....bye bye to that $250 bucks!

Anyway...enough of my whinging. Suck it up princess....

Brent is heading off on yet another 2 night camping adventure, kid free, just the 3 amegos.... I recon he has done at least half a dozen of these trips over spring/summer....tough life. I'd be happy with a kid free day here and there.

It'll be ten years this year, since we first noticed something wasn't right with Kayla. The first few years after realising the truth were hard, you go through a lot of grief and loss. Then you kind of get on with it for a while. But I'd be lying if I said I'm finished grieving. I think it kind of goes in cycles, grief.

Kayla is approaching/or even started puberty and the realisation of what she can't do and what she will never achieve is as stark as ever. I guess my grief has turned around from being my loss, to now grieving for her loss, things she will never experience or understand or have. She'll never have a best friend to gossip with, never have a first kiss, first date, first love. There will be no excitement over dressing up for the school dance, nerves about getting her licence or anticipation of turning 18 and 21.

I look into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and often wonder what she would be like if things where different.
I long to make a connection.
I wish for a miracle.
I live each day as it comes.
I survive.....

From little things big things grow....

So, today I discovered Blogger....
And today, I have decided, I will create a record of mine and my little families year for 2011.
Kind of like a virtual diary.
It will be fun to look back on at the end of the year.

So on this Australia day 2011, I start our story.....
Loving the holidays this year...unlike previous times. Kids are much more settled and happy. Our backyard pool provides endless hours of fun for all. Big fella is loving his fishing, went out in his little boat with Gary and Pa this morning to Eppalock and caught lots of fishies!

I'm enjoying simple things like, pottering around sorting out  my junk and making things organised. Loving the new PC too....so many things it can do and make easier.

Watched a great and very funny movie last night - The Hangover. Excellent for releasing endorphins.

I think I need to write a blog about our year in 2010 too. Must do it before things slip through my sieve-like mind....hehehe....

That is enough for today.
Ps - Lauren and Dynlan's wedding in 9 weeks from Friday...Need to lose at least 10 kg, would love to lose 15 kg but that is probably being a bit over ambitious...

will see how it goes.

Cheers
Mrs Big Fella